A time invariant dedication to anyone into research.
My quantum mechanics teacher during our Master’s degree, one day, looked at our blessedly ignorant faces and took it as his duty to declare, ‘There walks not a single researcher on earth, who has shed no tears during his days of PhD!’ Keeping aside the debate regarding the validity of such a statement, that day I could see the scars of his past in his eyes. But back then I felt no compulsion to probe deeper.
Now here I stand-
- after willingly humiliating myself in seven different interviews in five different cities;
- storming and thundering inside home with passionate speech about why I want to do research;
- convincing all my grandparents, uncles, aunties, cousins and some skeptic neighbours that doing research out of home town is absolutely the best idea;
- trying not to envy friends who already have jobs;
- and, as one of my previous posts suggests, escaping the deadly clutches of marriage-
as a fresh full-time PhD scholar. Already with a supervisor.
As soon as we joined we had to jump into this weird supervisor hunting game which reminded me of musical chair (with so many people in war over a few targets), only more ferocious and serious. We kept spying over each other lest someone else may steal our choice supervisors. Then soon began our course works. Amid all the hustle, the excitement of being in a new institute, new city and having new friends had worn off.
The senior scholars had started their preaching sessions. The long lonely ones who’s been here for endless summers, in search of fresh "empathisers", started ambushing us during lunch, dinner, tea-time, bed-time and any other time we stumbled upon them. At our shocked responses, they promptly assured us it’d not take long before we underwent similar transformations. Criticising guides would not only become normal but also quite good for health.
As work with my guide(supervisor) is accelerating, fear of not being able to keep pace made me cancel my long planned short trip home. Unsuccessful attempts at ongoing project and the approaching evil mid-semester exams are making me jump out of my skin everyday. Presentations, quizzes, solving extraterrestrial problems and head banging have become very normal. Waiting hours on supervisors, envying friends with day offs, actually being unable to find time for movies doesn't sound very strange any more. When I was given my own room in the hostel, ideas of all the things I would do- if I had a room alone for myself- didn't manifest due to sudden departure of my mental sanity.
Although we soon hope to master the art of researching-
- which includes endless days in front of our computer (or tinker with instruments) without actually being productive;
- art of playing hide and seek with our guide;
- convincing the institute for a hike in stipend;
- assuring ourselves that we are not the only ones who suck at doing research;
- and fooling our supervisors into believing we’re the best they could have had-
for now I am learning not to let the most important days of my youth pass by before I had time to catch my breath.
